Der Kaiser (via Copacabana)

Yesterday, as I was looking for something on my computer, I ran across a file that immediately made me smile.  You see, about 4 years ago I worked on a little project that was my re-entrance into creative writing involving Coach Tim.  However, before I share it with you I need to provide two back stories.

To begin with, he wasn’t Coach Tim back in the day.  He was der Kaiser.  We all had nicknames in our little cycling group and Tim’s came from the fact he loved to taunt us with a German accent.  Of course, Tim was stronger then the rest of us so that meant a lot of taunting.  There was one short period when for many reasons Tim did not log a lot of bike time and he was not riding very strong.  This was written during that time.

The second part of the back story involves Las Vegas.  Sherry and I, along with Tim and his wife Marnie, were all heading to Vegas for a few days.  Tim’s family has a timeshare so the room was free.  To thank them, Sherry and I volunteered to arrange for us to see a show while we were there.  When we saw that Barry Manilow was in town we immediately decided a practical joke was in order.

We plan to tell them about the fabulous Barry Manilow tickets we purchased over lunch a few weeks before the trip.  But at the last minute something occurred me.  What if Tim was a Fanilow?  As we put the joke in play Tim’s eyes start to get big as we start talking about seeing Barry’s show.  Sure enough, we discover that Tim loves himself some Barry and at the time had both Copacabana and Mandy on his iPod.  While it created some great laughs at lunch, none of us were willing to spend $125 on tickets so there was no Barry Manilow for us in Vegas.

After dropping them off at home, Sherry and I kept laughing and chatting about our new discovery.  It was during this chat that I came up with the line “He is der Kaiser, he is a cyclist” to the tune of Copacabana.  Turns out that was just the beginning.  After a few days of playing around, I wrote this.  (Check out the video if you have forgotten how the song goes.)

He is der Kaiser, he is a cyclist
But he hadn’t ridden in so long now he wasn’t very strong
So he taunts riders to hide his suffering
And though he tries to pedal hard he isn’t getting very far
He plugs his iPod in and tunes to number 10
He hears Copacabana now he has strength once more

He hears Copa, Copacabana
He rides on with reckless abandon
He hears Copa, Copacabana
Sweating and grunting his pedals are pumping
When he hears Copa, he’s riding strong

He sees the leaders up in the distance
And while Copa is the song he’s still riding very strong
And so he’s gaining and riding faster
And then he gets his second wind as he really kicks it in
But now the next song’s on, Mandy’s such a sappy song
That der Kaiser comes in last and wonders what went wrong

He needs Copa, Copacabana
To ride on with reckless abandon
When he hears Mandy, he’s such a pansy
Weeping and crying there’s no use in trying
He needs Copa, to finish strong

His is der Kaiser and he was a cyclist
But now his cycling days are gone and his mind isn’t very strong
So he watches TV of others cycling
And he remembers sunny rides when his heart was full of pride
So he plugs his iPod in and tunes to number 10
Then he takes his brand new Lark out for a little spin

He hears Copa, Copacabana
He drives on with reckless abandon
He hears Copa, Copacabana
Yelling and cursing ‘cause his ass is still hurting
He hears Copa and rolls along

To make the ending to this story even better, a colleague at work is in a band and they have recording equipment.  She actually recorded her husband playing the music and singing the new lyrics for us.  It was awesome!  Then as the 4 of us began our drive to Las Vegas, I asked Tim if he wanted to hear some music.  His reaction was priceless.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to find a CD.

Ciao!